I'm happy to have the opportunity to be recapping The Biggest Loser this season. During prior seasons of the show, I typically made it a goal to do sit-ups while watching -- just like a healthy person! I gave up on this goal weekly, typically within ten minutes of each episode, and figured that laying like a blob on the floor was still better than sitting on the couch. Fifteen minutes before the end of each episode, I always happened to remember that I had sour cream and onion chips in the kitchen. This time, I just don't have the time to disappoint myself with goals I could never achieve!
America's soap opera sweetheart Alison Sweeney is in the midst of an arena, since on this season of The Biggest Loser, old athletes will be competing to win. 'They're not playing to win,' Alison states. 'They're playing to lose!' Cut to video footage of someone eating a cheesesteak in their car.
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Off The Biggest Loser bus first is Zina, who used to be a tennis pro back in the '80s. At one point, she was #4 in the world -- but now, she's 260 pounds. Damien, a two-time Super Bowl winner, is up next. Gina was a cheerleader growing up, and needs to make this life change for herself. Lori is an Olympic Softball player, and threw the first ever no-hitter. And then there's everyone else that probably have introductions that'll be dispersed within the next two hours.
Little ray of sunshine Alison starts to announce their three judges. There's the very handsome Dolvett, and -- wait. Two new trainers? Where the heck are Bob and Jillian?! The contestants seem as bummed out as I am.
First up is Jessie Pavelka, who thinks that The Biggest Loser is the Super Bowl of fitness. There's footage of him running down a field shirtless, with a parachute flying behind him. That's all I need to know about him. Obviously he rules.
Jen Widerstrom is announced next. She says that people either operate from fear or love, and, well... she's not Jillian. The contestants seem to appreciate these new coaches because even though they're not Bob and Jillian, they have nice bodies.
Jen comes from a family that struggles from obesity, so losing weight for health is near and dear to her. Jessie is a husband and a father, which is his reason for being mega fit. Hooray! Now it's time for the initial weigh in.
Scott is the first to weigh in. He was a football player that is now heavier than any lineman he's played against in the past. He's weighing in at 366. Since each contestant has to give a moving speech after every weigh in, Scott notes that it's tough for him. Jessie pipes in during the weigh-in montage, saying that the weigh-ins are typically quite devastating, but the good news is that these contestants will never see that number again. Unless they waterload, like that guy a few years ago. That was quite a memorable scandal.
Lori tears up after seeing her number is 301. 'I'm even embarrassed to say that I'm a three time gold medalist,' she cries. JJ also cries, after he sees he's at 392 pounds. He tears up and tells a moving story about football and weight gain. Damien is at 388 pounds, and he's disgusted by the number. 'You better believe I'm here to compete,' he says. 'Hell, I'm going to compete against the trainers!'
Jen thinks it's a hard weigh in to watch, especially since these contestants used to be athletes. 'This just goes to show that no one is immune to obesity.'
Woody is at 398, and isn't too happy about it. He lost his wife 9 months ago to cancer, and he made her a promise that his four kids and grandkids would be taken care of. Woody and his wife are absolutely sweet, and I'm tearing up a bit seeing the pictures that are on screen. Dolvett tells him that he can no longer make excuses, and needs to keep his promise. Aww. Woody.
The contestants hit the ranch, and get a pep talk from Dolvett. Non-Jillian mentions how Planet Fitness will be giving them each a membership back home, as well as a bonus friend-membership. I hope these contestants know about the dreaded Lunk Alarm.
The three trainers decide to train everyone at once, and they're pushing these guys hard. The fun part? These athletes are used to this level of work, so there's no complaining or vomiting -- yet, at least.
Gina already has a little crush on Jessie, calling him her superhero. Sorry, Gina -- he's got a family back at home. Soon after, Gina admits that she's afraid of getting hit in the face. Jen mentions the weird fear and love line again -- and I swear, if that's going to be a thing all season long, I'm going to create a drinking game out of it. Which probably goes against everything this show is about.
Vanessa likes Jen, since while she looks sweet, she's intense. Then she almost says the 'A' word on TV. (A-S-S. Thankfully she censored herself.) Lori brings a few tears, since she realized during the workout that she was a little broken inside. This admission really means a lot to Jessie, who is also a little concerned -- after all, Lori was in the Olympics.
Blake, at the age of 18, is the youngest in the competition. Her sport is high school soccer. I bet she was an excellent player, but that's kind of a stretch to meet the theme -- isn't it? She's motivated, regardless of her skill level.
The first day ends with screams, sweat, and a little passing out on the floor. But nothing that seems to require a medic, so I'd say it was pretty successful!
JJ didn't have too much time with Jen, so she has a little bit of one-on-one time with him. JJ wants to be a role model to his other brothers, especially his youngest brother. Mentioning this out loud brings him to tears, and Jen tries her hardest to be supportive. 'I love JJ,' she says. 'He is expressing this huge desire to be a role model to his younger brother.'
As the contestants enter the house, they comment on the kitchen and the fact that it'll soon turn into a man-cave. Their enjoyment gets quickly interrupted by Jessie, who wants to chat with Lori about how she thinks she's a failure. Lori had a miscarriage after retiring, but gave birth to an absolutely beautiful boy afterward. 'We continued to try after him, and since then, I've had seven miscarriages... the last one being four months ago,' she states. The message she got was that, even if you try hard for the things you want, sometimes they just don't happen. If I could give Lori a hug through the screen, I would right now. Jessie uses this as an opportunity to talk about his healthy children, later stating that he just wants to see her smile and be happy again.
Let's start the first challenge! It's beach volleyball, plus a maze, and some bumps and some flag stuff. The contestants get to pick their own trainers, and Lori is aiming towards Jessie. Here's the kicker - the two people who finish last in this challenge have to go home. And they'll be trained solely by the Planet Fitness staff, in a purple themed room. Jen is already emotional over this fact.
Guys, I JUST realized that the athletes have shirts on that signify their weight. For example, Chandra's shirt reads '341'. I don't know if they mentioned this earlier, or if I was just so busy focusing on the tears that I didn't realize. It's clever, really.
Scott finishes the course first, and chooses Dolvett's team. Everyone else is pretty close behind, getting caught in nets. Pretty soon, the teams are filling up at a pretty even ratio. JJ was happy that he wasn't the last up the hill, right before Jen's team officially fills up. Way to go, Jen. That must feel pretty great for a new coach.
Zina, Vanessa, and Chandra are the last three left, with only one spot left on Jessie's team. Vanessa pulls a muscle, and isn't getting up. Zina falls backwards on the finish line, collapsing. Can Chandra make a comeback? 'I want to finish this race for myself,' she says with tears.
And -- yes! I can't believe Zina was that close, but Chandra was the champion. Zina gets an IV, and apologizes to the coaches -- but they're in no way disappointed. 'I experienced my first heartbreak,' Jessie states. 'That was a tough one for me.'
And what about Vanessa? Vanessa is crying on a stretcher. 'I'm feeling ashamed and disappointed,' she says as they wheel her in the street. Alison states that both of them will be okay, but they're definitely eliminated from the challenge. The good news is, they get to hug their fellow contestants and say goodbye while packing up to head home. On the car ride home, Zina's vest matches Vanessa's skirt! But that's not the most important part.
The important part is, they're being driven to the middle of the woods.
And who opens the limo as it's parked in a strange and seemingly secluded place? Oh my god. It's Bob Harper. You guys, I am so happy right now. I figured it'd be him based on the shot of the tattooed arm and the intrigue of the commercial break, but -- you never know.
'There's always a chance for a comeback for athletes!' Bob claims, before telling him that Vanessa and Zina have another chance to enter the game. Four teams?!
Bob has a secret little cave that the staff of The Biggest Loser made just for him. So it looks like he's going to train his two ladies secretly. 'From here on out? You're mine,' Bob says in a way that doesn't seem terrifying. Out of the two of them, only one will be able to be the comeback contestant -- so really, they're now competing against each other before eventually competing against the group.
Bob hosts his own last chance workout, and says that Zina makes him feel passionate again. 'Of course, this girl has been on the top of her game. She is focused, she is driven, she does everything I tell her to do.'
Unfortunately, Vanessa gets crampy. Probably because she just came back from a hamstring injury. Sadly, Bob thinks it's in her head more than anything else. 'Your mind has got to be clear,' Bob reminds her. Pretty soon, she's back on the rower.
Bob then promotes The Biggest Loser resorts. Oh, mid-show advertising, I've missed you so much! I wonder if they'll also chat about how Progresso soup makes an excellent lunch this season.
Back at home, the contestants chest bump their coaches, and drink a ton of water. Mike shows off his torn miniscus, which means he needs to work twice as hard to compete against the others. Dolvett is a bit worried, but come on -- he's got this, man. He got this.
The Last Chance Workout At The Ranch
Jen wants smiles and joy on her team for their last chance workout. She mentions how her team is already her family, including Woody -- who seems the sweatiest of them all. The blue team has five women, so Jessie finds them to be the underdogs. Yes, it's true -- women typically lose weight slower, but a lady won last year! Not all is lost, Jessie.
Jessie tries to give more mid-workout advice, by asking Andrea how she's feeling. Andrea admits that she'd be willing to be sent home, since she feels like she doesn't deserve the chance. She's afraid of everything, and is afraid of looking stupid. Come on now, Andrea! Rule one of The Biggest Loser is, don't look like you're giving up the first week. You never know whether or not your team will get a chance to vote against you.
JJ is pushing himself on the the white team, and Jen -- who is wearing an interesting choice in shorts - tells him that he's doing good, but is nowhere near done.
Back on Team Jessie, Damien tries to prove his challenge worthiness by pushing a ton of weights acrross the gym. Back in the day, people called him Dominator! I choose to call him Damienator. It just makes more sense to me. Maybe Daminator?
Mike starts talking about his son, who unfortunately passed away. 'The only way I can introduce you to my son is by showing him in me,' he tells Dolvett. Oh my gosh, I love Mike. Torn miniscus and all.
The Comeback Canyon Weigh InsBob Harper weights in his Comeback Canyon contestants. Again, there's only two, so this should be mega short.
Zina weighs in first. 'It's me, and the scale, and whatever that number is,' she claims. Indeed it is, Zina. She lost 8 pounds this week, which is pretty great based on the fact that it was a short and somewhat emotionally challenging week for these ladies. Vanessa needs to lose 12 pounds or more in order to stay in the game.
Vanessa? Well -- she lost 14 pounds. Looks like she's going to train with Bob to get back in the game! Zina deserves a ton of credit, and Bob seems genuinely bummed to be losing her. There's always the at home challenge, right? We'll check in with Zina's progress later.
Now for the ranch results! Alison is wearing blue -- is that a sign?! No, it's just a choice that the wardrobe department made.
Tonight they'll weigh in as a team, and the losing team will go into the elimination room, where one person would be voted off. No red line tonight, guys.
The white team is up first. Softball player Sonya is up first. She started at 283, and is now at 260. Whoa --23 pounds? You go, girl! Matt started at 386, and is currently at 363. Again, with 23! Rondalee loses 14 pounds, and Toma follows up by shedding 20. Solid numbers, guys.
My man Woody? Unfortunately, he only loses 10 pounds. He seems a bit disappointed, even though that number would have been universally celebrated during week three. Jen's favorite guy JJ started at 392, and is now at 378, losing 14 pounds. Since he couldn't run on a treadmill just days prior, he's really excited about the number. The white team has lost 104 pounds total this week, which is pretty darn good. 'We lost Jen!' they claim. She laughs in an uncomfortable way.
Dolvett is up next with the red team. Emmy is up first, shedding a mere 6 pounds. She still gets applause, but -- eh. Blake loses 16, which probably makes Emmy feel even worse. ( Note: As a viewer, even a pound is incredible to me. But on The Biggest Loser, things get a bit skewed when numbers are involved. Snark aside, I'm totally proud of all of these contestants.)
Moving on! Jordan is next, and he drops 22 pounds. Scott sheds the magic number of 23, and seems quite pleased. He gives a speech about how it's an emotional battle, and how he wants to give 100% of himself to fight it. But hold the phone here -- Rob lost 33 pounds. Rob literally lost a 3-year-old child.
My (other) man Mike is up next. For the record, I'm sure his killer mustache weighs about 5 pounds itself. To beat the white team, he'll need to lose at least 4 pounds. You got this, Mike! And -- wow. Mike lost 38 pounds, which is absolutely incredible. You're my boy, Mike. (But seriously, can you imagine that? He lost 38 pounds in one week. That's crazy talk.)
Last up is the blue team, and they'll need to lose 90 pounds to dominate. Gina started up at 242, and is currently at 228, having lost 14 pounds. She does some cheerleader spirit fingers with pure glee. Andrea loses 14, and Chandra sheds ... 7. And Jackie? Er -- only 8. They only have two players left.
Lori is on the scale next, and she pulls out 9 pounds. Jessie gives her a speech about her confidence and capability. Damien is their final chance for success, and he'll need to have lost at least 38 pounds to be victorious for the team. It's tough, but Mike did exactly that.
Damien loses 7 pounds. The blue team blew it. There's an obvious pun here that I choose not to make. The good news is, Gina was the top competitor of the team.
Now it's time for the round-table discussion. This is seriously like, the most awkward thing in the world, especially when teammates vote for contestants that don't end up leaving the ranch. For those who haven't witnessed this before, contestants reveal their elimination choice under a dinner dish, which seems somewhat condescending.
Andrea gets the first vote cast against her, and her own vote was against Damien. Damien gives a long speech about his vote before revealing that it's Chandra. Chandra also chooses Andrea, with a personal message on her voting card of 'Go Get 'Em!' Jackie also votes for Andrea, which means that the voting is final --Andrea is outta here.
Or is she? Bob snatched her up for his secret ranch project!
Let's hear back from Zina -- she's back on the tennis court! She's had nightmares about that sand challenge, but is still kicking butt.
On upcoming episodes: Expect a lot of anger, sweat, tears, and massive amounts of severe emotion.
The Biggest Loser airs every Thursday at 8pm on NBC.
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