Alex Brandon/Associated Press
Add challenging Molly Schuyler to a chicken wing-eating contest to the list of things you should never do.
ESPN reports the competitive eater chowed down on 363 wings to take Wing Bowl 22, surpassing the previous record set by star eater Takeru Kobayashi who ate 337 wings back in 2012.
Forget Superman, Batman or anyone the Justice League can muster, because Schuyler is now my hero. Personal affection aside, Schuyler garnered a great deal more in the form of a "$22,000 top prize as well as a gold medal and a championship ring."
And she is getting quite the run on Twitter:
Molly Schuyler Inhales 363 Wings in 30 Minutes, ANNIHILATES Wing Bowl 22 Field - http://t.co/UufYSFF7ow http://ift.tt/1jVOfWR Gossip Gawker (@GossipGawker) January 31, 2014
Molly Schuyler scoffed 363 wings, taking the Wing Bowl 22 ring - & 22G back to Nebraska. Being: Philly. #WingBowl http://ift.tt/1dTVvdm Rory McGlasson (@rorymcglasson) January 31, 2014
And there she is! Your @WIPWingBowl CHAMPION Molly Schuyler. World record: 363 WINGS!! Kobayashi's record- Sayonara. http://ift.tt/1jVOfWT Steve Lindsay CBS3 (@SteveLindsayCBS) January 31, 2014
The report is careful to offer that Schuyler had quite the battle, because Patrick Bertoletti managed to take down 356 wings, which is enough to make the weekend a painful enterprise but not enough to wear 2014's Wing Bowl crown.
CBS Philadelphia has more including video and images from the event that took place on Friday at the Wells Fargo Center.
If her massive effort didn't astonish you before, CBS Philadelphia's Joseph Santoliquito reports the record-breaking performance was but an appetizer to what will be a mind-boggling schedule for the mother of four this weekend.
The mound of wings will serve as an aperitif as she is set to land in Des Moines (Iowa) to compete for pancake glory in Saturday's IHOP Pancake Bowl I, giving us the only reason you should ever have pancake and bowl in the same sentence.
But what are pancakes without bacon? She will also put her endurance to the test, competing in the Blue Ribbon Bacon Festival later that afternoon.
Suddenly going for thirds at a buffet doesn't seem so absurd.
Schuyler tells Santoliquito that she wasn't expecting to win the Wing Bowl, and was merely hoping to show. But her appetite surprised her in the end:
I think I could eat some more. This was freaking crazy. I kept eating and I kept saying I didn't want to know how many wings I ate until the end. I just wanted to focus on what I was doing. But I don't think I want to eat another chicken wing for a while. Hopefully I'll be back next year.
According to ESPN, Eagles center Jason Kelce was on hand to partake in the copious amounts of wings, but he finished with a paltry 65 wings.
Here he is taking down a pile while wearing Google Glass, so perhaps we can later enjoy a first-person view of gluttony, via a Brian J. Haddad tweet.
#Eagles @Jkelce wearing Google Glass while competing at #WingBowl http://ift.tt/1dTVvdo Brian J. Haddad (@BrianJHaddad) January 31, 2014
Although, Kelce would later tell Santoliquito that he could have still gone for more, but that infernal time got to him. (The event comprised of two 14-minute rounds with a two-minute finale.)
The hardest part was the speed. I'm not used to eating like this this early in the morning. I'm usually eating eggs and bacon. But this was awesome. It was a great experience. But the speed got me. I'm usually not a fast eater, and I know I could have gone another 14 minutes eating. But the speed factor was killing me. I've never seen anyone eat as fast as these people. It's amazing.
Now because it seems apropos, we give you this video, which serves to remind you of proper wing-eating form if you want to amaze your pals at your respective Super Bowl soirees this Sunday. Just try to keep the total to double digits, because Schuyler is a professional after all.
If her name looks familiar, you might know Schuyler from a video that made the Internet rounds earlier this month. Here she is eating a 72-ounce steak in under seven minutes:
Schuyler scoffs at your offer of a doggy bag.
Now we wait patiently as this competitive eater continues her journey to eat all the food in the world, something that seems likely to happen as soon as this weekend.
Hit me up on Twitter: Follow @gabezal